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I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed focused solely on him. This surprised her deeply. She put in increased attention in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, many close to her have drifted apart without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, however, I feel my position in the relationship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she has unyielding views. My effort is to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She has been planning a vacation to a country I know well on several occasions even called home previously. I tried to offer personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She really only wanted my agreement with her choices. I recently ended four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation aiming for resolution demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Next is to tell how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument here. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to question how you are both can shift the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling her:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

This person may dismiss all you say, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a version about themselves they won't let go of since their identity relies on it and it represents they've known. This is difficult because there's no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react this way and then think about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction that you've been truthful.